Where is he staying. I definitely recommend Captain Awkward too for assistancence (she, Allison, and Doctor Nerdlove need to be together one day). Any evening events they go to are as likely as not to just be parties. Because were not one being known collectively as The Couple, were two individuals who just really like each other, but also respect each others autonomy. (like when one of his good friends turned 50). Agree counseling would be a good place to start. Why would you visit Vegas when you live in NOLA, unless it was for work. This is about control. Thanks for the partially chewed chili on my keyboard. Ugh. But where I was from, the vast majority of the people in the regionhundreds of thousands, not just a handfulaccepted these beliefs as reasonable. But yeah, even then Im thinking more one-off or emergency situations at home, not I dont like that city!. travel to Las Vegas by themselves and with groups and for work and for play all the time and it is completely normal. Do not sacrifice your career for this. Co-worker had a wonderful time. Its a constant negotiation and balancing act. Same. Uncategorized ; June 21, 2022 husband doesn t want to go on family vacation . Then I realized that he was not being irrational he was worried, and it was not a burden for me just to check in once in awhile, especially if I am on unfamiliar dark roads. ), Yeah man, Id be super bummed if my wife went to Vegas and didnt take me with her, I freakin love Vegas!. Hell figure something out; youll figure something out. He needs to get over this, though if for no other reason than the financial security of the family. It made no sense. Youre the breadwinner? This absolutely doesnt make the response of OPs husband right in any sense, but figuring out why they are feeling like this can be helpful and can help figure out where to go from there. Nikada / iStock. Someone with this kind of insecure, controlling behavior could be sitting next to you 24/7 and theyd be wondering what you were thinking, if it got to that point. Its a very highly policed city. But I just wanted to let you know that there are at least two people in the world who definitively do not agree with your husband. Ive been to Vegas many, many times. Case in point: my father is terrified of everyone he loves dying and leaving him alone, to the point where I, as a 32 year old, was expected to text him and let him know when I left work, when I got home from work, if I was going out, if I was changing locations, etc. Besides, the OP is going to spend most of her time in a conference room that looks like every other conference room in the western world, anyway. My SO and I ate there in 2013, and he STILL sighs and says, That was a good burger, whenever Las Vegas is mentioned. Its stupid of me, I know. This captures so much of what anxiety sufferers like my wife go through and what spouses like myself have to find a way to work through with their partner. I got a sense of that with first part of the letter, but then the follow-up indicated he said his pals would not LET their spouses/sig others go well, thats a pretty bright red flag there. Sin City. So, hell have to ban the East Coast, too. It's essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. I resent our new hires for setting better work-life boundaries than our company normally has, hairy legs at work, my office sent me a random TV, and more, heres an example of a great cover letter with before and after versions, my employee cant handle even mildly negative feedback, my new coworker is putting fake mistakes in my work so she can tell our boss Im bad at my job, insensitive Diversity Day, how to fire someone who refuses to talk to us, and more, weekend open thread February 25-26, 2023, assistant became abusive when she wasnt invited to a meeting, my coworkers dont check on people who are out sick, and more. (Is he really afraid you will be kidnapped or is he being hyperbolic to try to convince you to stay?). You dont ever want to put yourself in a position of relaying solely on his for financial support because you then lose the ability to leave if you need to. Each year my entire family goes to the beach at the end gets a beach house where we stay for a week. I really hope it does lead to the OP getting help. I go on business trips. Dont get hit by a stray printer that someone threw out a window in a rage while you have a cuppa with a buddy outside! My husband is just glad he doesnt have to go with me, because more than a couple of days in Las Vegas is like being stuck inside a kaleidoscope. He cant expect his partner to sacrifice herself to the whims of his anxiety. A difficult or stressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. For work. I mean, we really cant say from the letter which it is, but its so easy to read into it either anxiety or controlling/toxic depending on what weve personally experienced. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. My own brain is like that. Sometimes I am super jealous because he gets to go to some cool places (Tokyo, London), but I would never try to get him not to go. This. From my experience with family members with these issues, I needed to learn how to help create a healing environment at home. When does his flight land? If youre happier and more successful without him, and what he brings to the table isnt enough anymore, its okay to opt out. I live in a small country area where most woman are not in my position & usually give in to husbands demands whether or not it is ethical.Counsling is usually never seeked out. Or maybe its anxiety fueling a control issue, but I highly doubt that anxiety treatment will help. You could talk tohim about why hedoesnt want you there and see ifthere are any issues that need toberesolved outside ofavacation setting, oryou could simply ask him ifhed like you togowith him next time. But I do agree that its extremely possible the OPs husband is, consciously or unconsciously, skewing the results in his favor. I made this comment on the most recent one of those! Theres a third option: Insist on marriage counseling with your husband. What if he dies? Your level of trust in him. Food! Obviously were just two strangers on the internet, so you can take that data point for whatever its worth. Does he take this incredibly low view of your character whenever youre apart from him, or is that just a terrible assumption he makes about you when you travel to Vegas? His parents are awful. And it also sounds like this is unusual in their area, so its not a situation that he sees tons of people going through unruffled. We also were both active-duty for the first couple years we were together. If it was possible to take him along I could see that potentially helping if the main issue is wrong information and assumptions. If you refuse to go, it is very likely to cause repercussions at work. I have family in Henderson and go there every February to escape the snow. I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. However, I have to stay in London for a couple of days next week, and he encouraged me to go he said he needs to learn to be more independent and self-reliant. (also +1000 to RabbitRabbit for anxiety manifesting as control theyre not necessarily separate). He could also stand some counselling, Im sure, but you need his buy-in for that. I mean, were talking about adults going on a business trip so wholesome shouldnt even come into it. Hope youre all right, OP. Las Vegas is not my favorite place ever because I dont love big crowds or gambling, but its just a city. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? I would probably choose being single over him. Do you want to go? Since I took the position five years ago, they have sent management on a three-day business trip each year. If the boundaries within a family are so entangled (by normative American standards), it really is an asset to the couple when their partner has the skills to navigate those extended relationships. My legs were killing me and I my throat was sore :(! My partner has a fantastic story of stumbling on some kind of yakuza pre-dustup in Namba (in a Family Mart of all places). You can add it up to four. I have the same problem and have since I was a child. This sounds less like anxiety and more like controlling/abusive behavior. They have to want to change. Just that it might be (MIGHT) an explanation. OP, go on the trip. Because of that, my parents said I can bring a friend. Does he not control other things about your life OP? I was /thisclose/ to emigrating to another continent at one point, tbh. I think the intent is clear, though; its that the nameless sources would object to their spouses going. Security at casinos is greater than that at Fort Knox. Couples counseling is also useful for people with issues that make them disposed to try to please and/or look from approval from their therapist. My SO has been to more conferences in Vegas than I think anywhere else because of the ease with which hotel rooms can be acquired. He told me one day that the previous weekend, a few months before the upcoming wedding, his fiance broke up with him while they were sitting on the couch watching TV. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! It seems like almost everyone is misreading this update. But honestly? Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. Talk with your partner about why hedidnt invite you along onthe trip. I suspect that he says that because he can frame it as Im only concerned for YOUR safety, rather than When you go to Las Vegas, I feel like I am not in control of you, and that makes me unhappy. I bet he doesnt even really think you will cheatits about knowing that you COULD and he wouldnt see and couldnt do anything about it. Everything he is afraid of is very very unlikely to happen and no more likely to happen in Vegas than any other city. Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. I dated a guy like that! Is something going on in your relationship that he feels like youre growing more emotionally apart, and physical distance will make him feel more alone? But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. There were also a TGI Fridays, a Hard Rock Cafe and a Coldstone Creamery. No amount of marriage counseling will fix controlling. Japan is absurdly safe, even if that is no comfort to people when something bad does happen. Whereas in reality, I just hope that this will be the time when Im on the subway at 1am and it wont be too crowded to get a seat. Its just unacceptable. Really? Oh sure, but thats why I specified business-class rooms, as in the 3.5 or 4-star Hilton/Hyatt/W Hotel, since those are the types of hotels that have attached conference/convention facilities and host large conferences. When I first started at my last full-time job, a coworker and I were both sent to Washington DC for a three-day conference to learn our jobs (wed both started around the same time, in a very niche legal field). This is WAAAY different than not having a closed door meeting with a member of the opposite sex, though. For anyone who has traveled for business, it is a dream destination because it is convenient. Its better than it has been at times, but it never quite goes away. And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. Never! But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. My dad goes around the world: Spain, Taiwan, Japan and he spends it all on a commercial ship fixing the radar, sonar, ormcomputer. Omg that sounds so much like my mom. If OP and her husband are from perhaps a small conservative town and the husband has never been, theres a slim chance that hes reacting to this reputation. Yet he says he would not even go without me. Hes already proven himself to be irrational, I think his presence will not help LW even a little. Out alone after dark = commuting to a job that has normal office hours. The threading makes it a little unclear, but thats not the part under discussion: Top-Level Comment: If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag., Response: Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know.. Im anxious and so is my Mother, so Ive been on both sides of this, and I have a lot of sympathy for you, OP, and for your spouse too. Yeah, I was in Vegas just a couple of weeks ago. It was a realllllly boring upbringing. And Id highly recommend that book to the OP, so she can try to tease out for herself whether shes just got an insecure, underemployed husband, or one whos using jealousy as a control mechanism, at least in part so that he may remain comfortably underemployed. Its actually better that way now for example, its now possible to eat a meal without hearing about keno. Even with the additional information. Also theres a debate up thread about if prostitution is legal in Vegas (seems to be no, but it is legal nearby). Hehesitated, but agreed.Onthe third day ofthe vacation, his parents, brothers, and their spouses were all sitting atatable outside whileI was preparing afruit salad. Something I would like you to keep in the back of your mind: I dont know whether your husband has anxiety or not, I dont know whether he is controlling or not. Its a slippery slope when someone starts demanding changes to accommodate their objections to acceptable societal norms. I have a friend who doesnt drink, gamble, or smoke and Vegas is one of her favorite vacation places. Plus, if youre on the strip, you dont ever really have go on the streets. You can pretty much get from one end of the strip to the other cutting through casinos and over skywalks. Especially with comments like, I have anxiety and I would never act like this! Not everyones anxiety is the same. I HATED IT! Nobody ever said I wont let you go on that trip, but it certainly wouldnt have ended well if they had. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. Im wondering if hes ever been to Vegas? And no matter what, go on the trip. PS: My third period class, mostly high-functioning autism cases, is split. We would stop when we needed gas or a bathroom break but usually wouldn't be stopped for more than 15 min or so. A person who wants to cheat will cheat even if the business trip is in Dayton, OH, or they will cheat even in their hometown. If your husband has never traveled for business, and hasnt traveled much in his personal life, and his friends have similar life experiences, then its no wonder that hes created this scenario where all that happens in Vegas is affairs and crimes. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. Im good at what I do and I dont want to be made to feel bad because of it. And she would always schedule conferences for her small business in Vegas, for the exact reasons you listed. Especially as she is the primary breadwinner, shes got to be allowed to do her jobeven if it means travelling to Vegas. My mom is convinced that as soon as the sun goes down, everyone is a drunk driver. If your classes are in the evening then change your major. mmmmmmm..yeah. Because someone whos having this kind of anxiety is going to get worse, not better if they do nothing to address the underlying issue. Assuming you havent given him real cause for those worries (like a history of cheating), this is insulting to you and awful for the health of your relationship. Charleston. My *70 year-old* cousins house. But yeah, I would go to a counselor rather than skipping straight to a lawyer unless there are more flagrant issues. (Ive been to LV exactly once, for work. I knew a woman who was very sincerely pious and churchgoing and lived her Christian values. Im being somewhat sarcastic, but maybe a tiny bit serious: I wonder if the concern about her possibly cheating is some kind of fear that the evening networking event is actually a mandatory orgy? Vegas and Orlando are excellent places for corporate retreats because theyre relatively cheap to fly to and theyre set up for this kind of thing. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. Its like the person who tried to quit, and their boss polls the other managers and then tells employee that the other managers all agree, employee does not have a good enough reason to quit. It's not super fun, but not a nightmare either. Funny, random story (OP, do not tell your husband this), one of my husbands coworkers met his wife while they were both on trips in Vegas. Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. Its fine. But, at least in that case, she was 100% aware of the power dynamics she signed up for in entering the marriage, unlike our OP. But not the end of the world. This is part of your JOB. I agree. If it didn't work you were stuck with a super cringe photo until the next time you tried to get everyone together. He wants me to refuse to go, but I think I could lose my position in the company or be treated differently. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. A spare hour or two could be spent at an adult themed entertainment show or casino, and that can honestly spiral. His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). Don't exhaust yourselves. Answer (1 of 11): I do not care why he does it! Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. Can we leave this here rather than derailing on it? Also have casinos on boats. No matter how cool your parents are, money always comes with obligations. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. Because my husband trusts me. Not everything is an abusive relationship, AAM commentariat. ), and Im excited to stay at Mandalay Bay because they have an aquarium. This feels partly like a reputation versus reality thing, like New York City a decade or so back, when I kept telling people to stop worrying about crime when they were planning a visit to the safest large city in the country. For example, phone #: 123-333-4567. I thought his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. When I hear wholesome I picture a stereotypical 50s scene with aprons and apple pie and gee golly instead of swearing.

Saint Nathan Catholic, Kehoe, Colorado Wiki, Preetha Nooyi Wedding, 2018 Mustang Ecoboost Dyno, Articles H